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It ' s possible spouses may not know which of the other spouse’s " multiple personalities " they are going to have to deal with on any given day. One minute, everything is calm and both are talking rationally. The next day, they ' re living in the seventh circle of hell.

It helps to remember that some of this is purely situational; ie. it is ( believe it or not ) normal behavior. It isn’t actually about the two individuals – one and a spouse. Instead, it’s about being hurt and feeling betrayed. Both parties feel guilty. Both are suffering. Both feel just plain miserable.